Elfriede Both Modesti

Elfriede Both Modesti passed away peacefully on January 14, 2018, at her home in Naples, Florida, after a brief illness, while surrounded by her children, Melitta Fleming (Michael), Claudius (Deirdre), Christian (Lisa), Julian (Jennifer) and Phillip (Rochelle). She has 10 grandchildren, whom she loved immensely.

Elfi was born in 1929 in Timișoara, Romania, to Ernst and Elfriede Both. Her parents ran a small town pharmacy where she and her brothers, Kurt and Ernst grew up. Elfi went to high school in one of Count Dracula’s fortress towns. During WWII, her family fled west and became refugees in upper Austria. Through the support of the Wendt Foundation in Buffalo, New York, her family—without Kurt, who died in the war--was sponsored to immigrate to Buffalo. There, her father worked as a chemist at a local chocolate factory, her mother volunteered at the Sisters of Charity Hospital, and Elfi worked there in the pathology laboratory, making specimen slides. Her brother, Ernst, also made Buffalo his home and became Director of the Buffalo Museum of Science. At the hospital she met her enduring love, Luciano, a neurosurgical resident from Rome, Italy. They moved to Oxford, England, while Luciano worked under a fellowship, and then moved to DeWitt, New York, where as a Professor, he practiced and taught neurosurgery at what is now Upstate Medical University. While raising her five children, Elfi was active with the hospital auxiliary, while also volunteering at the hospital, and visiting with patients.

Though unable to complete her formal education due to WWII, Elfi was a voracious reader who educated herself on matters of history, science, politics and classical music, especially Mozart. Elfi loved museums, where she tended to correct the tour guides. She was a true conservationist, could identify many birds and even rescued a few. Elfi’s kitchen table received many a neighborhood kid who left the table content, and praised her culinary craft. In Naples, her friends angled for her prized biscotti. She was a fierce player of games and cards, particularly bridge. Her children and grandchildren were taught to lose gracefully if they could not win on their own merit. Elfi did not triumph over others, rather, she had genuine empathy for the underdog or defeated sports team. Her concern for those less fortunate was deep and continuing.

For about 25 years, Elfi and Luciano shared time between Naples and DeWitt. They walked the beach daily, where Elfi ultimately collected thousands of shells, coral, fossils and shark teeth. Her friends, whom she cherished, often chided her for having emptied Pelican Bay of its finest shells. She did ensure, however, that her cornucopia of sea treasure was shared with friends and strangers alike. Elfi was a patient and most devoted wife to Luciano until he passed away, in Naples, in 2013. She was also predeceased by her two brothers.

Elfi’s children and grandchildren will remember her for her compassion, strength, curiosity, pragmatism and candidness. “It is, what it is,” or “it could have been worse,” were often her concluding statements.

In lieu of flowers, please consider making a donation, in Elfi’s name, to Homes For The Brave, 655 Park Avenue, Bridgeport, CT 06604; or to Catholic Charities of Onondaga County, 1654 West Onondaga Street, Syracuse, NY 13204. A reception is being held in Naples on a future date. 

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